The Gains Some of us Have Discovered This — Otherwise Awful — 2020
Yes, precious gains are right there if you pay attention
I’m not writing this because I’m excessively optimistic, positive, or rose-colored; not in general, not precisely nowadays, no. But, regardless of the losses and stress and discomfort and pain and grim/unforeseeable future ahead… I have found some incredible treasures I had never owned before, or I had simply lost in adulthood because regular adulthood washes away important riches.
TIME
I was a working mother, fulltime, teaching 40 hours a week and raising my kids in the afternoons. It was my goal — to manage both and to do it right — but I was exhausted.
Then the school shortened the courses one day per month, to pay us less, and I was furious… until I discovered time. Not free time, not quality time. ME time. That was something I had been missing for too long, without realizing how much I was starving for it.
This pandemic has — forcefully and in a tragic way for some, I acknowledge that — brought back that feeling of owning time. My time. No other outside activity, duty, family, friends, interests, jobs requiring my time.
I have no get-togethers, hugs, kisses, trips, museums, movie theaters; no money either. None of that, true. Just lots of time for ME. And that is a precious side-effect of this thing for some of us — maybe and hopefully for you too, my reader.
Of course, I say this because my kids are grown and gone and I’m not a teacher anymore; otherwise, I’d be as overwhelmed as the ones doing home office and homeschooling their kids — some teaching their students online! — as I recently wrote. I truly take off my hat to them!
So, ME time is my dirty little secret…
IDLENESS
In this competitive world we live in, we are taught and enticed to not leave a second of our time empty. Every second counts: ‘time is money’.
While it is true that time is a nonrenewable good, and that time not taken advantage of is gone for good… time is also what life is made of. And life has to be lived and enjoyed, too. Savored and taken in. For that, some time is meant to be idle.
They also teach us that it’s a shame to waste time in useless, unproductive things. Cel phones prevent us from being idle because even when we commute to the office, we can be working on it, or listening to the news, or wiring money, or checking on your mother who you didn’t call last night — you didn’t have time, remember? — or all those activities together.
“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
Marthe Troly-Curtin
If we dare ‘waste’ time being idle for some hours — or a weekend, or the whole Summer! — oh my, we feel guilty, even if nobody knows and nobody is nagging us about our capital sin. Playing solitary or solving quizzes in your devices is way less guilty than just being idle.
But now there’s more than plenty of time for many of us… and nobody is watching, or they’re doing the same — nothing much — after doing the duties that we still have — housework at least and home office. Idleness is not so sinful for once.
I took up some new activities and resumed others; exercise, and my French course, for instance. Especially at the beginning of the lockdown, I tried to profit from the gift of the unexpected time. But it’s been too much for too long.
So, some part of me has given in to guilt-free idleness…
CONNECTION
It’s both funny and revealing that when we are more apart we can also feel so close. It’s interesting that now that we cannot be surrounded by crowds — not even small ones — mostly isolated, some of us have learned, remembered, or discovered that there are other ways of being close.
That this thing happening in an era of virtual/screen communication is a blessing because not only have we been in touch, but for some, it’s been the only way to have face-to-face conversations with other people.
Devices and the time rediscovered have also led to reconnecting with people we had lost contact with… because we had no time, distances were a problem and simply, physical togetherness and communication were impractical.
Devices have often been Satanized by — especially older — fellows who miss the real thing — with the smell, the touch, the sight of the other — with all the time and exclusiveness of actual encounters. I miss that, too –oh boy, I do — but a blessing devices have undoubtfully been.
Connection in these times of isolation has revealed, therefore, a paradox. Whether cheering each other, keeping updated with world facts, crying on each other’s shoulders, sharing humor — and irony — or just touching base with some — particularly with the ones living alone — I have felt more connection with many than ever before.
So, a paradox this connection is…
INWARDNESS
Last, but not least, I have gained inwardness. Since there’s no chance to go outside, I have chosen to go inwards — instead of out my mind! That could’ve been another place to go, you know, like so many that cannot be in a room long without going mad.
“To live happily is an inward power of the soul.” Marcus Aurelius
Having the time to be idle helps to go on a journey of the soul. We have little room and little chance to mind or wander the outside world, so it has been a time for introspection. Reading and rereading our cherished books, notes, or letters from other — less awkward — times has been a blessing.
Silence — another thing we can control better if indoors — also shows us the way in. By silence, I don’t mean the absence of noise alone, but the absence of mundane distractors. Meditation does not only happen sitting crossed-legged, you know. But other than when mantra singing or thinking, it requires silence.
They say that when we speak to the universe — in prayer or not — is when we request things — or talk to God; meditation is when the universe talks back — or He does.
Re-evaluating our priorities and needs — as we have been doing, lowering the bars more and more as time drifts away from our fingers — is another way of going inwards. We have discovered that we need less, much less than we used to think.
We have gone to basic mode… and that has been enough. Not for all, you see, not for all. Some have kept needing the forward and the outward modes. Those places continue to be their priorities. But for me, the basic mode is good in many ways; talking to dear friends, I know that I’m not alone in this surrender to what is: staying in is the best place and the best move we can offer to the world.
And I do miss and need it— oh, the world still out there! — of course, but that not being an option, at least not safe enough, inwardness has been a good place.
So, surrendering to inwardness is my gift.
These have been tough times. Without a question and for all of us — at different levels and in different ways. But regardless of all the losses and hardships and, mostly, the uncertainty ahead, let us gain some — whatever we can — let us evolve some — as much as we can — let us be readier for the new world — whichever and however it is.
